I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
