he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
