Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
