we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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