Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
