Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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