I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
