how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
