can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
