Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
