He felt like a one man threesome
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
