I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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