i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
