I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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