I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
