That's when you crack a 10am beer
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
