Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
