You're my little dorito
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
