guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
