I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
