I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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