Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
