If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
