I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
