Only a mothe r could love this liver
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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