GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
