Girls should come with a carfax report
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
