She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
