between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
