I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
