Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
