I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
