guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
