Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
