and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
