I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
