New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So vagazzling was a success
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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