I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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