why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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