Whod you bang
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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