as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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