he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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