well I can't set my house on fire every night
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
