We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
