So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
