I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
