she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
