Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
