I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
