her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
